NASA officials are investigating reports that astronauts were allowed to fly shortly after drinking alcohol and after officials were warned that they were inebriated and were flight risks.
Says one astronaut who would not be identified: "Of course we're shit faced. You think anybody's going up in one of those thinks without being cocked to the gills? Duh! They blow up!"
Investigators are looking into reports that NASA recruiting has been reduced to hanging out in bars and waiting for someone to get fall down drunk, then putting them in a suit and locking them in the cabin just before take off.
"We have to find either drunks or retards," said one official. "And retards give lousy post flight interviews."
Another unnamed NASA source said: "We can't even figure out how to keep foam on the side of the shuttle, how are we going to find anyone dumb enough to go up in one of those things?"
This has been a problem for NASA since the 1950's. In the words of renowned test pilot Jose Jiminez: "My favorite part of the trip is the blast off. Before I take off I like to have a blast!"