Raptown, Michigan (IP) - Cities across America are taking gangs to court and suing them in what appears to be a novel new trend. Police across the lower 48 states had to go on too many gang related calls and were not able to sit around doughnut shops and the drop in revenues suffered by the shops had affected the collection of municipal taxes.
Many of the officers had actually began to lose weight and were falling below the minimum weight of 375 pounds that the cities required of their police officers. The Mayor's Organization of America said, "We will have none of that", much to the relief of neighborhood organizations.
One city attorney was heard saying, "we'll be all over these gangs like a police sergeant on a jelly doughnut" and another was heard saying, "We are going to be all over these gangsters like shade on a municipal employee", and yet another was heard to exclaim, "we will be all over these hoodlums like bad taste at a rap concert", and yet another proclaimed that his legal department would be all over these lawbreakers "like plastic explosives on a palestinian", or "like a hobo on a ham sandwich", or "like a bum on a baloney sandwich", or like "hookers all over a republican at a Las Vegas convention", or like "prespiration on a hooker in church".