Written by Doppelbock
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Monday, 30 July 2007

image for Bald Eagles Select Humans As National Primate of the United States
A Bald Eagle, pretending to be all cool and predatory for the camera.

AP Newsliar -- After a lengthy selection process, Bald Eagles have chosen humans to be the national primate of the United States.

This long-delayed decision comes thousands of years after the extinction of the giant ground sloth, the previous national primate of mainland North America. This choice had always been a controversial one since the ground sloth is not a primate per se, actually being more closely related to the armadillo. Eagles believe selecting humans as the new national primate will put an end once and for all to this millennia-long controversy.

Says Cawcawa, a Bald Eagle living in the southwestern U.S. who had a leading role in the selection process: "Eeeeeeaaaaawwwwk..... SCREEEEEEEEEEEE..... REWWWAAAAAAWK..." Unfortunately a translator was not available to interpret his comments for us.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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