Houston, Texas (IP) - NASA has issued flasks and bongs to all of its astronauts complete with NASA logos on the side of each. Also available are adult diapers with the NASA logo. Another item they are making available are NASA rolling papers with the NASA logo on the packages. These have become a hot item on cyber auction sites fetching upwards of $100 or more for a single pack.
A strict drug and alcohol testing policy is also being put into effect immediately. Any employee or astronaut who has no alcohol or drugs in his or her system will be terminated immediately. NASA will also no longer hire any astronaut who does not smoke at least one pack of Marlboro reds per day. These cigarettes are also known as cowboy killers.
NASA has hired some drug dealers to supply their employees with dope and has put a full bar aboard all of its spacecraft and will install full bars aboard the space station.
The food served on the shuttle and international space station will henceforth be limited to junk food hamburgers and hot dogs along with French fries fried in oils laden with transfatty acids.
A NASA spokesman claims they are just catching up with modern practices found throughout society. He added that each astronaut will also be given a Saturday night special type of pistol and they will be encouraged to use these weapons to settle minor disagreements.