Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Cats

Thursday, 26 July 2007

image for The kitty they call Dr Death
Oscar, the Dr Death of the kitty world

Providence, Rhode Island - (Ass Mess): Providence, an olden-English word meaning "foreseeing care and guidance of God Almighty or of nature over the creatures of the earth", is generally associated with good-fortune and maybe a guiding supernatural hand. Perhaps for this reason Rhode Island named its capital Providence, to bring its many citizens good luck.

But a nursing home in the optimistically named town is now wondering just what kind of guiding hand is at work amid reports that its resident cat, Oscar, is personally selecting which patients are about to die and giving them the proverbial kiss of death in their final hours.

Oscar has been dubbed the home's Dr Death after a sequence of 25 inexplicable deaths where he chose to curl up next to patients who only he diagnosed as being at death's doorstep.

Doctors have been baffled at the feline's astonishing accuracy which has exceeded resident medics' abilities to determine which of the care home's patients were at most risk.

"It's got to the point where some of our residents go into extreme panic when the cat so much as enters a room," the nursing home's director said today.

"In over two dozen recent cases Oscar hasn't put so much as a paw wrong in his diagnoses, which usually prove fatal within 24 hours."

Some of the home's residents think that it may be Oscar himself who is despatching patients and not just psyching out those most likely to die next.

"He may be an evil genius Dr Death type of re-incarnation," one very worried resident said today.

"Perhaps this is how karma is dispensed in a town named as if it was just asking for it?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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