Written by SpaceElevator
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Topics: Food, Restaurants

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

image for Finicky Fast-Foodie Blurs Lines Between Gourmet and Ascetic
May I please see the wine menu?

Columbus, Ohio (The Scallion) - Dirk Poutine is a Quick Service Restaurant (QSR) connoisseur who likes his french fries hot and fast, just like his women. The inaugural episode of his new television show 'Dining in Style on Ten Dollars per Day' will air on the Food Network next month.

"I am very serious about so-called fast food," remarked the budget epicure. "Arby's, Burger King, Carl's Junior, In-N-Out Burger, Jack in the Box, Krystal, KFC, McDonald's, Taco Bell, Wendy's, White Castle and Wienerschnitzel... these are just a few of my favorites."

"After years of practice, I have perfected the all-you-can-eat buffet and the soup-and-salad special. Now it's time to share my gift with others who may lack taste buds along with fullness signals in the brain."

Although there may be no such thing as a 'free lunch', there is such a thing as waiting by the dumpster until the three-hour-old Kobe beef samplers from the restaurant next door are removed from the warming lamp and dumped into the trash.

Also, stay tuned for Episode Two when Dirk demands to speak to the pimple-faced manager regarding the quality of the croutons on his side salad and the fact that they have no packets of Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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