Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Gerry McCann, the father of a missing four year old girl abducted in a Portuguese holiday resort while her parents dined out nearby the holiday apartment, has flown to Washington and met with Attorney General Alberto Gonzales in a move that has baffled the Portuguese people.
"This is turning into a comedie noire," one national newspaper leader wrote today, adding that McCann's string-pulling has angered parents of over 100 Portuguese kids who have also vanished in the last few years "but who are too poor to lean on international political figures."
"And why choose Alberto Gonzales?
"The Pope? Well. We could understand that, it's a Catholic country after all.
"JK Rowling? The publicity factor was strong so people weren't too bothered by that, except those who felt that it was adding to the pre-launch publicity of that last book.
"But Alberto Gopnzales?
"Doesn't McCann realise that in the sane, non-Bush world Gonzales is a reviled figure who is seen as aiding and abetting a corrupt, immoral and loathsome Republican administration responsible for the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis?
"Has Mr McCann lost his marbles?
"This makes him look more and more like a comic figure in a horrible nightmare of tragic proportions.
"Perhaps it is the Portuguese police probe that worries him as he faces the possibility of being charged with wilful child-neglect for leaving his three toddlers alone every night for a week at the holiday apartment without even bothering to lock the patio doors?
"This could mean his other two children could be taken into care if he and his wife are declared unfit parents.
"Is this why he's seeing that dissembler Gonzales? To lean on him to stop the prosecution? Portuguese people demand some answers."
Meanwhile cynics in the UK have piled on the misery by pointing out that McCann is merely drawing attention to himself "and not the plight of his missing daughter."
"Getting photographed with Gonzales is like asking the Yorkshire Ripper to open a women's beauty spa," one newspaper article said today.
"Whoever is advising McCann must be daft as a brush.
"Unless of course it is Gonzales who needs the publicity and is paying McCann for the photo-op that this is generating."