Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Monday, 23 July 2007

image for It's Official: George W. Bush Is A Robot

(Anaheim--CA) Move over former war hero Chief Executives Andrew Jackson, Teddy Roosevelt and Dwight Eisenhower because George W. Bush will be joining your ranks in Disneyland, California. Ron Van Nessen, head of Disney media relations, made it official. "We are pleased to announce that the Hall of Presidents will expand to the "Hail to the Chief" tune of one when war hero George W. Bush becomes our newest automaton."

Immediately, the kindling of controversy threatened to catch fire into an out of control blaze of scandal regarding President Bush's war hero record, or lack of one. But the flames were doused this morning and the extended fire metaphor extinguished when White House Press Secretary issued this statement: "Simply because President Bush's heroic efforts in 'the conflict' remain to be seen simply means that they remain to be seen." After a record setting pregnant pause by the White House Press Corp, Sergio Franchi, of Il Gatzo, asked: "Uh--what conflict is that?" "Exactly," replied Snow confidently, "exactly." A follow-up question was preempted when Mr. Franchi was removed from the White House under the amended by Executive Order Patriotic Act in which Italy may be considered part of the "axis of evil".

In a phone interview from his office in the Pirates of the Caribbean, Van Nessen admitted that some "issues" need to be addressed. "Generally, most of our Presidents have a memorable speech or quote or at least can speak. I don't see that as a problem but a solution. For example, maybe President Bush is a great dancer. Maybe he does a mean twist. I think that's an option. Or we could just have him move his lips while he sits on Dick Cheney's lap. Eh, you're not going to use that last part, are you?"

Certainly, there are problems on the Disney side. Follow-up calls to Mr. Van Nessen's office were unreturned as Disney attempts to fill his position after he was taken into custody under the recently re-amended by Executive Order Patriotic Act, where Disneyland, California may be considered part of the "axis of evil".

For now, the final word remains with Tony Snow's closing statement: "If you're looking for a Presidential automaton, is there any debate? It's George W. Bush."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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