Written by Warren Redlich
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Topics: George W. Bush

Monday, 23 July 2007

image for Bush Proposes Monorail
Outdated monorail tracks

President George W. Bush announced plans for a nationwide monorail system early Monday as part of his revamped energy and environmental policy agenda. He claimed that the monorail would reduce energy consumption and carbon output dramatically, while making life better for millions of Americans.

In Bush's plan, announced today with Nancy Pelosi at his side, monorails would be built for the 50 largest metropolitan areas within the next five years, and connections between cities would follow, along with monorails for smaller communities. "The time to act is now, if not sooner," said Bush, who also noted that the plan would cost less than the war in Iraq. Pelosi lauded the Bush proposal as "visionary."

Reaction in Washington and around the country was mostly negative. Vice President Dick Cheney was rushed to the hospital with what was thought to be his 7th heart attack, but doctors were unable to find a heart in his body. Al Gore stormed out of a global warming conference, apparently angry about Bush stealing his issue. The Sierra Club and GreenPeace both disbanded, leaving brief mentions on their websites that they were no longer needed and were heading to Patagonia to live in the wild. First Lady Laura Bush said something about not recognizing her husband but she appeared to need assistance and was rushed from the scene to an undisclosed location.

There were many favorable responses, especially from the congressman and senators who represent the 50 metro areas. Most are now busy setting up meetings with relevant lobbyists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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