The self appointed "Queen of Fags", 62 year old Mary Louise Ciccone Ritchie, better known to her fans simply as Madonna, claimed yesterday that she would be ignoring the ban that stops people smoking in public buildings.
Speaking from her large cockney house in Hampstead, London, the ample breasted Latino said, "No pen pushing official at Westminster is gonna stop me having a fag and a pint down me local. It's wot us lot do down 'ere ain't it."
After several Cor Blimey's and a few cocked wink's the Michigan born songstress continued, "I mean that Kabbalah stuff was OK but let's face it nothink beats a spliffter and a bit of mindless sex don't it?"
After being offered what he believed to be a Class C drug and a threesome with Madonna and her Cheeky Chappy husband Guy, our reporter made his excuses and left.
A spokesman from ASH said today that "It is a shame Madonna has taken such a stance. If I were him I'd stick to playing football. The little twat."
Despite smoky Madge's objections the ban will apply to all public areas from the 1st of July 2007, apart from of course The House of Commons and behind a particular bike shed at Claremont High School, Wembley.