Written by Gareth Carpenter
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Topics: Florida, Guantanamo

Monday, 23 February 2004

image for Guantanamo Bay Hotel declared ‘Island of Freedom' in Red Cuba
A guest takes a tour of Guantanamo Bay

The Florida Tourist Board is promoting picturesque Guantanamo Bay as the ideal haven for tourists who want to see Cuba but don't want to meet Communists.

Officials said the resort's hotel, which was leased out to the US before the regime of Fidel Castro, is undergoing alterations "which will make it much more aesthetically pleasing to holidaymakers, especially honeymooners."

"We have already constructed a safe compound which will guarantee our guests the maximum security they desire," said Guantanamo Bay Hotel manager Major General Geoffrey Miller. "Guests will be given a complementary orange bathing costume and will have a free personal escort service wherever they wish to go. We're even offering them an all-inclusive package so they don't have to worry about expenses when they get here."

Miller admitted that the reputation of the area had been damaged by the present Cuban regime.

"Damn Commie bastards have ballsed things up for sure," he muttered. "It's a good job we've managed to retain an island of liberty, free will and justice in the form of Guantanamo Bay. God bless America."

Tourists expressed an interest in exploring the new development, saying they were attracted by its apparently peaceful nature.

"What I like is the fact that lawyers and legal reps are barred from the place," said Texas politician Frank Barrels. "My goddamn lawyer's always pissing me off, telling me I did this and didn't do that, following me around like the plague. It sounds like this Guantanamo place is heaven."

Guantanamo Bay Hotel already has 700 guests, but Miller said more were "always welcome".

"I should think we'll have a new influx after the US has liberated another rogue state," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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