Washington, D.C. - After several years of lobbying Washington, the shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorist association today successfully got the TSA to lift its ban against lighters and breast milk. The ban will be lifted on August 4, 2007, giving shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorists barely enough time plan an attack, let alone carry one out, terrorists complain.
"It's too soon," said a senior Jihad from the class of 2007 at the Richard Reid International Technical Institute for Shoe Bombers in Pakistan. "I was planning to backpack through Europe with my fellow Jihads after graduation. We weren't even thinking of planning an attack before we got back, and I already put down the groups non-refundable deposit. Boy, when those guys find out, they're going to kill me."
"There was nothing we could do about the timing," said a spokesman for the shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorist lobby. "Except to say, we are sorry we couldn't get the ban lifted sooner."
Breast milk will be allowed back on airplanes provided the milk is still contained in its "original" packaging, said a spokesman for the TSA.
In addition, it will be subject to inspection, "A TSA agent must be allowed to witness the carrier sample it, while placing one dollar bills into her G-string and taking pictures for training purposes only, of course," said the TSA.
The TSA reluctantly expanded the ban from breast milk to include cigarette lighters in 2004, two years after Richard Reid attempted to blowup a transatlantic flight with a shoe bomb with matches, but it has consistently maintained that, that too was purely a coincidence that had nothing to do with the powerful shoe bombing breast milk feeding terrorist lobby.