In a crushing blow to Republicans, Presidential hopeful Ron Paul announced today that he would like to return the United States to its Constitutional roots, allow people to do any non-violent thing they want and restore privacy rights to ordinary citizens.
"The man is trying to interpret the Constitution literally", said former Tennessee Senator and also aspiring Presidential candidate Fred Dalton. "Everyone knows the Constitution has to be interpreted. The only book anyone should take literally is the Bible. The man has obviously lost his mind."
Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas and another Republican Presidential candidate also criticized Paul's beliefs. "The man believes in such outdated and outlandish theories as 'evolution' and 'free choice'. And he believes the Earth was created billions of years ago by natural forces! He is not a Republican. He's an animal. Even worse, he's almost a LIBERAL!"
"Paul does not believe in imprisoning drug abusers, prostitutes, gamblers or many other sinners", said Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts and also aspiring Presidential candidate. "He does believe in cutting taxes for the rich, which is a good thing, but he also wants to cut taxes for the poor and middle class! In addition he wants to cut spending and take all our God-fearing soldiers out of Iraq! He has no understanding of fiscal policy. I also heard that he supports marriage among lesbians, fags and queers!"
Not all Republicans were opposed to Paul's views but media bias prevents me from writing about them.
Paul was reached at his campaign headquarters and was told of the smear campaign against him. He just laughed.