Written by Dipscott O'Blarney
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Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for Conspiracy against Gravel, Kucinich uncovered
Former President Bill Clinton happily waves farewell to his wife.

In what is being called the most surprising, infuriating, and exciting news story yet concerning the 2008 US presidential election, a conspiracy has been uncovered which was intended to target democratic presidential candidates Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich. What is surprising about this story, however, is not so much the plot rather than those who were responsible for blueprinting the conspiracy- none other than democratic presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and John Edwards.

In what is being called a true stroke of luck, the plot was uncovered at a recent NAACP Democratic forum in which, following the debate, Edwards and Clinton were overheard conspiring against the two men. Unbeknownst to them, both Edwards and Clinton had left their mics on, allowing the entire conversation to be broadcast to numerous television stations which quickly picked up on the terror plot.

A short transcript is provided below and begins when Edwards first approaches Clinton:

    Edwards: "I think we ought to 'decrease' the amount of people in these debates in the future..."

    Clinton: "Yes, I agree"

    Edwards: "Like... you know, Kucinich and Gravel."

    Clinton: "Oh, definitely."

    Edwards: "So what we can do is (inaudible) them before the debates in the fall, or just (inaudible) them during the debates."

    Clinton: "You know, I think there was an effort by our campaigns to (inaudible) Gravel and Kucinich a while ago... somehow it got sidetracked."

    Edwards: "Because this is just ridiculous, it is seriously killing (inaudible)."

    Clinton: "Oh, its murder, I would agree."

    Edwards: "Thanks babe."

While the discussion only lasted a minute--forty five seconds of which was Edwards--it revealed a stunning plot intended to take down the two second-tier candidates who had caused quite a commotion at the debates and have on numerous occasions attacked the integrity of Edwards and Clinton.

When asked about this recent turn of events, Kucinich responded with an hour long impromptu speech, and Gravel, apparently not having heard the question, merely stared into the camera screen and left.

Currently, Edwards and Clinton are now in police custody and are being heavily interrogated. Before incarceration, the two candidates were heavily screened and given a strip search: a comb, hair plugs, a strap-on, and three partly used cans of hair spray were found.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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