Written by Dipscott O'Blarney
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Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for Giuliani chooses unsurprising running mate
Giuliani at a latenight press conference scolding his oppostion

In a truly unexpected move, Republican Presidential hopeful and former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani has prematurely chosen his running mate-Osama Bin Laden. Although considered presumptuous by many, his choice of running mate is widely considered to be unsurprising due to the support both men have given each other throughout the recent campaign.

Also unsurprising is the support both men have received in the past from one another during and after Giuliani's mayoral terms and while Osama was but a mere foot soldier for Taliban in the 1980s. Regardless of their long history and friendly terms together, the decision has caused upset with many democrats and conservatives who call for Giuliani's immediate withdrawal from the race.

When questioned about this opinion, one conservative noted: "This is an insane decision! Rudy Giuliani was supposed to be fighting terrorism not joining with it, not perpetuating it! With Osama as Vice President we can be assured that the terrorism and attacks on our homeland will only increase in intensity!"

But, defending the Giuliani decision, an avid thirteen-year-old from YouTube comments, "You are a newb! He's obviously doing this to protect us from threats like he did during 9/11 and he is obviously doing this because hes, like, putting the person in power who was attacking us so he has no reason to attack us anymore duh!".

The latter of the two opinions currently winning out on the Republican side, as the decision has been hailed as, "a perfect duo," "autocracy at its finest," and "overwhelmingly diplomatic," by congressmen Hastert and Sensenbrenner.

Giuliani's support, though taking a blip during his announcement, has returned with five extra points to spare after Giuliani scolded his opposition and convinced the Republican base that his move was for the better good of the country.

The last opposition to this move, congressman Ron Paul, was recently found on capitol hill covered with JoinRudy stickers with a note reading, "9/11, bitch." The congressman is steadily recovering from the trauma.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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