Written by Kilroy
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Wednesday, 18 July 2007

image for Posh Spice Dish Bland and Undercooked
Finally, the critics agree on something....

Victoria Beckham's over-hyped reality show was soundly thrashed in the ratings by absolutely everything on television, driving home the point that nobody in America gives a flip about Posh Spice.

Critics attribute the dismal showing to an existing glut of rich twits who don't eat. The viewing demographics clearly told her what they want, what they really, really want, and it wasn't her.

The New York Post was kind in referring to the hour-long Victoria Beckham - Coming to America "an orgy of self-indulgence" and "condescending". In fact, most Americans still don't care who the hell she is, despite relentless posing for the camera. NBC plans to rerun the show until Hell freezes over and those ratings improve.

It's difficult to say who was more clueless, Posh or NBC execs who originally planned to pay Posh $10 million dollars for a six-part, one hour series of that contrived crap. The execs cut back to half an hour when they determined that the premise, like Posh, was "a little thin". Posh told reporters, "I think people will really get to see what I'm really like. I'm just a normal girl from London." Assuming the average girl in London grew up rich and spoiled, most people still wouldn't want to watch her on TV unless someone on Survivor was using her as a dowsing stick. Maybe a cage mud-wrestling match between her and Paris Hilton might draw some viewers as they vie for the title of most superficial socialite. It would probably be cheaper (and more entertaining) to bring Tonya Harding out of obscurity and pay her $10 and a bottle of gin to just run up and punch her in the head. Smart money is on her head imploding like her singing career.

Most folks aren't anxiously anticipating the Spice Girls Reunion, either. They could drum up more American interest by bring in Rosie O'Donnell on as "Butch Spice" and giving her a solo..."so tell me what you want, what you really, really want…wait, I don't give a Tinker's damn what you want and here's why...!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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