Former writer for TheSpoof.com, known only as "Ethan" has left to become Ron Paul's speech writer. His first assignment was used today in a policy speech on terrorism by Paul on the campaign trail in Davenport Iowa.
"You know there isn't very much funny about terrorism, but I have a new speech writer who is an expert on humor and parody and he tells me this speech is filled with funny little tidbits. Seems these two terrorists were walking in their cave the other day when they came upon a suicide bomber who was crying. They both put their hands on his shoulder and said "Ali? What is the matter, you're about to get 70 virgins!" and Ali looks up at them sadly and says, "This is what scares me so", says Ali, "I'm a sheep herder, I've never had one woman before, what will I do with 70!." heh, heh. It says here you should laugh now." [audience full of farmers mutters and looks on quizzically.]
Just then Ethan steps forward and emotionally grabs the microphone, "You people don't know what's funny! Your suppose to laugh now! Can't you see the beauty of this man?! He's reaching out to you! He's stronger than Adolph Hitler! He's easier to understand than Lyndon LeRouche! He's a....a...knight in a sea of despair...he's full of non-political beauty to make things better(sobbing)
who can take the sunshine...sprinkle it with joy...the candyman can!"
At this point Ethan became quite unintelligible and was escorted out by security shouting. "Ron Paul I love you!"
Management at TheSpoof.com refused comment on the incident, but issued this statement: Mr. Ethan was one of our most promising writers never to write a single article at The Spoof. We hope his stay at the Betty Ford Clinic will rejuvenate him and return him to the people here who love him.