HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY (AP Newsliar) -- Investigators believe they have found the man who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp, putting an end to a 46-year old mystery. The man's accomplice, believed to have put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong, remains at large.
The bomp-inserting perpetrator is Raymond T. Bolges of Hoboken, New Jersey, now 82 years old. He is being held on charges of crafting overly lame onomatopoeic rock n' roll words, jaywalking, and failure to provide a sufficiently humorous pretext for a decent parody news article.
The mystery was solved by the FBI's "Y-Files" team, which investigates marginalized cold-cases involving mysteries of a musical nature. This latest investigation dates back to the release of a 1961 Barry Mann doo-wop song, but many other cold cases remain to be solved: Why do birds suddenly appear (just because you are here)? Why do fools fall in love? Where have all the good times gone? And, more recently: Who let the dogs out?
The Y-Files investigators were briefly in the public spot-light just three months ago, after determining how many roads a man must walk down before you can call him a man. After a years-long investigation, FBI officials associated with the Y-Files office found the answer being blown about in the wind.