Written by MuchWiser
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Topics: Women, abuse, Feminists

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

A man was sentenced to six years in prison for "abusing" a woman and her 17 year old daughter as they were entering a post office.

Court testimony revealed that the man in question went to the local post office in order to check his mail when he noticed a woman and her daughter behind him. He stopped and held the door open for the two women so they could enter the post office. The woman abruptly stopped and turned around and went in the opposite direction with her daughter leaving the man holding the door open.

Later that day, the woman and her daughter were found in an abu$e shelter which assists victims of "door openers" for a reasonable fee. The shelter aided the woman and her daughter in obtaining an emergency "Protection from Door-Openers" order from the court. Of course, the her case had to be EMBELLISHED by the shelter in order to make them stick:

  • I am a feminist.
  • I became a feminist in 1974.
  • One year after becoming a feminist, the abuse began.
  • I have been abused by men my entire life.
  • I am fearful for the safety of myself and MY daughter.
  • I am tired of feeling afraid and unsafe when men hold doors open for me.
  • This fear is so great that I have fallen to the floor dizzy.
  • I have a permanent bone problem behind my ear from falling.
  • I couldn't even count the number of times that I have been forced to fall down dizzy because men insist on holding doors open for me.
  • These men have emotionally abused me and my daughter.
  • I have basically been controlled by the fact that men hold doors open for me and I want it to be over.


Since being at the shelter, the woman's daughter has claimed that she was abused when she was 5 years old. She states that another 5 year old once held a door open for her as well.

Even though the man's mother and father and his employer testified on his behalf, their testimony did not sway the Judge. The man was sentenced to six years in prison without any chance of parole. Money from his bank account, his house and any other property he owned was transferred to the woman as compensation.

The author of the Violence For Any Reason Act (VFARA) and current democratic presidential aspirant who was flanked by the "victim's" attorneys, held a news conference for political gain and stated he was glad the court was sending a clear message to men. He stated: "This type of abuse will not be tolerated."

The man has written to his political representatives about the situation. His correspondence has fallen on deaf ears!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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