(Washington) - With the complete failure of Congress and the president to pass immigration reform, the U.S. is forced to change its currency to accommodate the crisis.
To accommodate the millions of U.S. illegal immigrants from Mexico, the U.S. Treasury Dept today announced it was transitioning American currency from the dollar to the peso.
Effective in 30 days, all financial transactions in the U.S. will be conducted in pesos.
A politically correct spokesperson for the Treasury Dept stated, "Illegal immigrants in the U.S. are financially disadvantaged. The changeover from dollars to pesos is a humane way to lessen the culture shock of illegals coming to the U.S. from Mexico and a good way to level the playing field for this fast growing minority group."
Mexican officials applauded the move and declared, "Now that the U.S.A. is better accommodating undocumented workers who relocate from Mexico to the U.S. we plan on urging millions more of our poor and unemployed to cross the border for a better life, with free benefits. Plus, it'll be easier for them to send the billions of dollars back to Mexico every year, except now it will be trillions of pesos."
All U.S. businesses will have to covert their prices to pesos. Currently the peso is worth about 10 cents.
A fast food chain in California will now list its Six Dollar Burger as the Sixty Peso Burger.
Gas prices, for example, will not be listed as $3 a gallon but as 30 pesos per gallon.
General Motors is already converting it sticker prices on new cars. A new Cadillac will now retail for 500,000 pesos.
Real estate agents across the country are scrambling to relist all residential properties in pesos (the average cost of a house in Los Angeles County is 6 million pesos).
And U.S. taxpayers will now have to pay their federal income taxes in pesos ... even though illegal immigrants normally do not earn enough money to pay income taxes.
Buenos Dias. Welcome to Washington.
copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence