CAMPAIGN TRAIL (FundRaisings) -- Barack Obama called an extraordinary press conference today, in which he said that if chosen the Democrat to run for President, he wanted to give every American consumer five dollars.
A stunned hush fell over the assembled reporters as Barack Obama went on, "Rather than spending a billion or so, promoting how wonderful I am, I'd rather the American people shared the campaign wealth."
"I want every American to buy a lollipop, bagel, or something that puts a smile on their face -- so have a nice day," Mr. Barack Obama concluded.
A spokesperson for Hillary Clinton immediately responded that she was prepared to offer $5.50, "As inflation and the IRS meant smiles cost more these days."
Political commentators are deferring to medical advice for clarification. Meanwhile it is believed application forms will soon be available at any U.S. Postal Office.