Wall Street (IP) - Executives on Wall Street have come up with a much more efficient way for Americans to pay for their gas and insurance. The middle class (what is left of it) will have their entire paychecks direct deposited into their gas station and insurance company's accounts. There is no longer any money left in their paychecks to pay for frivolous items such as food, rent, prescriptions, and mortgage payments so there is no use in allowing Americans to handle any cash.
This plan will actually protect people from themselves by preempting any temptation to spend money on lottery tickets, movie tickets, and other recreational spending. Most people now work two jobs and the wife always works in addition to the husband and little junior can open up a lemonade stand if the family actually wants to eat or put a roof over there head.
These rules will not apply to politicians who have guaranteed health and insurance benefits for life no matter how short their term in office.
In a related development a report out of Washington indicates that politicians will receive protective gas masks and bomb shelter space in the event of a terrorist attack. The public will not get anything and they are discouraged from buying these items with their own money because there is no provision to include them in the future master race that politicians have mapped out for themselves and their bimbettes.