New York, New York (IP) - The Department of Homeland Insecurity issued a red alert at New York's largest airport today and issued an order for their highly trained bum squad to round up all of the unusual suspects. Men of Middle Eastern appearance between the ages of 17 and 44 were allowed to pass freely onto the airplane with whatever luggage they chose to carry.
Grandmothers, children, old men, blue-eyed blonds, red heads, and shapely brunettes were pulled over to the side and sent to special inspection rooms to be strip searched and no body cavity was left uninspected.
In the meantime luggage handlers rifled through all of their belongings and were allowed to keep cameras, ipods, wallets, gold rings, diamond necklaces, lap top computers, and anything of value that they could get their sticky fingers on. Men in U.S. military uniforms returning from war duty received special attention and they were assured that they would never see their luggage again.
Inspector Snidley Von Strudel assured us that they knew perfectly well what they were doing and that if any reporters asked too many questions that he would have them sent to Guantanamo for an indefinite period of time.
After work the airport insecurity personnel were seen headed for homes and warehouses driving large 5-ton box trucks. These guys could not wait to get home so they could list new stuff on E-Gay.