(Baghdad) - After a worthless, fruitless investment of hundreds of billions of dollars, and thousands of lives, and under pressure by the American public and the Democratic Party, the U.S. has finally decided to end the war in Iraq, get out, and wash its hands of the whole mess.
A White House spokesperson revealed that, to accomplish that goal as quickly as possible, the U.S. will put Iraq up for auction on Ebay.
Bidding will start at $9.99, with no reserve, and is open to all Ebay members, domestic and international. Winning bidder will be notified by email.
The winning bidder will receive the entire country of Iraq, including religious and tribal strife, Al Qaeda insurgents, civil war, a dysfunctional military, an impotent government, an uncommitted and lackadaisical civilian population, and interference by neighboring fundamentalist countries for the next 100 years.
For the Ebay auction, Iraq is being offered "as is". There are no returns, no refunds and no exchanges.
Possible bidders include Iran, Syria, Warren Buffett, Wal-Mart and Disney.
A high-level Washington insider said that, if Iraq doesn't sell on Ebay, the U.S. will pull its troops out, bulldoze all the structures in the country, pave it, and turn the whole country into a parking lot.
copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence