Written by Thomas Paine
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Friday, 13 July 2007

image for Fed gives American currency a "Fashion Makeover"
Hot off the Press: American currency gets a makeover

The Federal Reserve announced today that it will immediately replace the dollar bill with a new version printed on stain proof plastic.

Spokesman M.I. Rich from the Federal reserve had this to say, "We here at the Fed realize the difficulites ordinary Americans have living from paycheck to paycheck. Although we ourselves have not gotten our hands dirty touching the stuff, some of our hired help has.

With this in mind we decided to change the whole system over from paper to plastic. What better way to keep the servants dirty fingerprints off the good linen, than to make a dirt resistant money supply? You can wipe marker right off, and can simply send your cash out to be laundered if it strikes your fancy.

We'd like to point out that this replacement will of course require us to print a whole lot more money. Please do not be alarmed with any potential side effects to the economy. It has been in the planning stages for awhile. This is the primary reason we stopped publishing the M3 money supply figure some time ago.

The new currency designs should look familiar to some of you. We've based it on what the servants told us was a very popular game for the less well to do."

An anonymous source within the current administration points the blame for the currency change on a number of factors:

  • Complaints that the government treats currency more and more like play money.
  • Cryptic messages written in marker by disgruntled americans such as :
    "Who is Ron Paul?"
  • The inability of some Americans to understand financial matters.
  • Presiden't Bush inability to distinguish which bill is which when tipping the White House staff.

Only Time well tell if the new funny money is a hit with the American Public.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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