Written by Jean Le Fete

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Topics: Terror Threat

Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Homeland Security Creates New Threat Level System

Homeland Security's Secretary Michael Chertoff introduced a new Threat Level System this week to replace the old out dated system that nobody pays attention to anyway.

The new system will have the following levels: "I Have A Gut Feeling" level will be the lowest level alert. Followed by the "Sweaty Palms and Slightly Flatulent" level, then the "Very Nauseous Can't Keep Lunch Down" level. The Very top level, which is when people should be most cautious is the "Check Your Underwear Frequently" level.

This new system is actually very scientific and depends primarily upon following the mood of Homeland Security Secretary. For instance when the plot to attack an Army base in New Jersey was discovered and the men were captured, it was the "Very Nauseous Can't Keep Lunch Down Level" Had an attack actually been thwarted in progress, it could have easily reached the "Check Your Underwear Frequently" level.

However, the system is not fool proof and could be subject to "false alarms" for example if the Secretary's irritable bowel syndrome were to boil up again, it could cause a false "Check Your Underwear Frequently" level, etc.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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