Written by Thomas Paine
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Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Flagging Neo-con Presidential candidates court untapped voting pool: The Undead!
A Ghouliani Delegate shows her enthusiasm for Ron Paul supporters.

With the sagging fortunes of the Neo-cons, the GOP wanna-be's have turned to a hitherto untapped voting block in hopes of gaining the nomination, The Undead!

Sources within the GOP have revealed that this new trend started with the campaign of Rudolph Ghouliani. Spokesman for the Ghouliani camp, Chaross Dresser released the following statement when questioned about this alarming strategy, "We believe the undead are the key to the coming GOP convention. They'll put their mark on anything we tell them to. Sure we had to promise them human flesh, but hey, there should be plenty of living breathing Ron Paul supporters at the Convention. Sometimes you gotta break a few heads, know what I mean?"

Not to be outdone, the campaigns of both Jahwinon McBrain and Bitt Onmey have sent unsuspecting Young Republicans volunteers as ambassadors to stir up the Zombie base. No word yet on how successful the succulent morsels were in spreading their message.

Speculation is rife that the "undeclared" candidate Ded Haunchson has also sent his own "ambassadors of grief". While issuing the standard non-denial denial the campaign did state it believes Mr. Haunchson would be safe courting the undead voters directly, since as former President Nixon said "He's as dumb as a bag of rocks."

Meanwhile potential delegates from the Ron Paul camp, have begun to prepare in earnest for the upcoming convention. Supporters have been spotted practicing the phalanx formation with campaign signs. Word has also leaked out that in a calculated move, Congressman Paul has asked noted actor Bruce Campbell to be his running mate.

Campaign spokesman Leif Vereeordye had this to say: "We are taking this vote seriously, which is why we've asked Bruce to come on board. A number of us have been kicking around new campaign slogans to really get our supporters pumped up. Bruce has come up with a couple of real winners. I think the hands down favorite at this point is: "Got Liberty? Come Get SOME!"

One reporter foolhardy enough to journey to the ninth level of hell to interview the potential undead delegates had this to report via cellphone, "Braaains.... Fresh Braaains!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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