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Topics: NASCAR

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

image for NASCAR Calling it Quits to Save Soldier's Lives

Daytona, Florida (IP) - NASCAR official Billy Joe Bob Poindexter Junior also known as Shit For Brains Jr as well as the leaders of other racing organizations like NHRA, DRA, and SCRA have decided to end automobile racing.

They issued a joint statement admitting that the war in Iraq is really just over oil and that the lives of soldiers from the western armed forces should no longer be sacrificed over such trivial activities like racing. They went on to say that racing is really just a bunch of cars going around in circle and was ponderously boring.

Other benefits to come from putting and end to racing include elimination of green house gases and the wasting of perfectly good champagne at the end of each perfectly predictable racing event. Many race car drivers die each year as well as racing fans sitting too close to the track. There are also an excessive number of rednecks who drink to much beer and fall off the top of their decrepit old campers not to mention all of the gas wasted by racing fans getting to the races and the clogging of interstate highways by drunken race bound fans.

Rednecks passing gas after drinking too much beer also contribute methane to the atmosphere.

Billy Joe Bob suggested fans could take up basket weaving and rope tying or comet photography as well as hunt for new super novae in nearby galaxies visible through 2,000 mm telescopes readily available with GPS and CCD devices for about $1,000 to occupy their time and the abandoned race tracks could be converted to giant Arecibo type radio telescopes to look for intelligent life in the universe because "their sure as hell ain't any around here".

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