Written by Fernickus Bronst
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Topics: Mitt Romney, Hair

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

image for Mitt Romney's Hair Attacks Supporter
Is that a dog on your head or are you just glad to see me?

July 9, 2007 - De Moines, Iowa - A Mitt Ronmey supporter suffered minor injuries when Mitt Ronmey's hair appeared to leap off his head and bite a young woman during a campaign stop in De Moines.

Shyamali Anderson said that the incident shocked her and she wasn't sure she would be supporting him in the upcoming Iowa Caucus.

"It's pronounced 'SHAH-mah-lee'. Right, so the whole event was ironic to say the least. I really wasn't paying attention to what he was saying as I couldn't stop staring at his hair. It was so perfect. I was right in the front row and thinking to myself, 'Is that a toupe?' when all of a sudden it jumped down and bit me on the shoulder."

Romney couldn't be reached for comment but a campaign spokesman told reporters after the event that Romney was heading to Utah on vacation immediately after he met with supporters so the dog was actually perched on his head during the speech. "The dog is very well-trained and goes everywhere with the Romney family. Mutt likes the campaign trail so Mitt takes him everywhere. You don't see Mitt without his Mutt."

"He has a preference for heights", added the spokesman, "that's why during vacation trips he rides on top of the suburban".

Ms. Anderson said that after the experience she'll probably be supporting somebody who has 'real' hair. "I think I'll probably have to pay closer attention to Ron Paul or Fred Thompson. Ron Paul has a combover but his message is interesting. Fred doesn't have any hair so there's nothing to distract you. He should leave his wife at home though. Otherwise the males in his audience will just stare at her cleavage. I've been told she's pretty hawt."

Anderson was treated and released from a nearby clinic and the Romney campaign sent her a dozen roses, a gift certificate for a set and curl, some flea powder and a card proclaiming their apologies and condolences.

No Fleas were harmed during the production of this article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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