KEGINBUMPORT, MAINE (IP) - News trickling out of this usually quiet waterfront coomunity indicates that the invisible man has been found and identified. He is none other than John Kerry who disappeared after he rolled over and played dead after the last presidential election.
Here is an eye witness account of what happened : "He was dithcovered after hith car was seen weaving to and fro acroth the yellow thenter line (hiccup). At first the arrethting occifer who had just come on duty was sure that he had actually caught Ted Kennedy but was asthonished to find that there was no apparent driver behind the wheel (hiccup). The occifer reported that as soon as he opened the vehicle's front door that he felt a mass fall against him and at that time he immediately called for back up.
With the help of other ociffers he was able to get the mysterious mass to the cop station. By sense of feel they determined that the mass was indeed a perfon. Once they arriveded at poleeth headquarters a load of flour was tossed onto the invithible figure and soon the outline of a passed out perfon appeared (hiccup). His jacket was removed and oddly enough when the wallet was removed it became totally vifible and thoon it was obviouth that they had apprehendededed none other than John Kerry the prethidential candidate who had "run" against G.W. Bush.
Inside the wallet was an identification card indicating that the perthon possessing the card was a member of Yale's super secret Skull and Bones Thothiety (hiccup). Only a dozen people a year are allowed into the thothiety and thome of their rituals include a secret handshake and shpanking one's monkey while laying inthide a coffin. The tholid stone club house building has no windows.
Kerry awoke in a drunken stupor and immediately began mumbling about how he had been nothing but a shill for Bush during the last election and that he knew all along that there had been black box voting in Florida and Ohio and rather than challenge election results in those states he had just rolled over and played dead.
Some mysterious and spooky looking folks soon showed up at the police station and handed each person there a fat envelope and Kerry was taken away no worse for the wear.
The only reasthon I was able to get a scoop on thith story is because my name is Ted Kennedy (hiccup) and the cops thought I was paffed out in my thell during thif entire epithode but lemme tell you sumfin - it takes more than a liter of Scotch to knock out an old dog like me... Johnny, Johnny Kerry, King of the wild frontier.....Johnny Kerry was a man, Yes a big man and he fought for Amercans to make all American's free"......(He sang).