APE Line News - Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was caught by surprise by news that his DNA is nearly an exact match with Luther, a 3 billion year old humanoid from the Crustatian period.
"We did a search in the national tissue reserve data banks, which is kind of a common procedure for us to create a composite DNA sample, to compare with prehistoric samples," said Wyatt McDonough, Chief Paleontologist at Yail University in upstate New York. Of course we can obtain individual information on rare occasions like this when there is a near perfect match."
"This is a very fascinating find," said McDonough, "The fact that Mr Limbaugh is so highly functional and able to walk upright like a human, is quite amazing. Still there are some similarities in terms of his cognitive and intellectual abilities."
"These people are obviously on the payroll of the Hillary Clinton campaign," said Limbaugh on his radio show, "I have no doubt that these reports are all false and oooooh! oohoooooo!! AAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAAHHH!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!! not true. Humans...I mean other people are always taking pot shots at me and this is just another example of how low they'll stoop."
You can read a full report on this research in an upcoming issue of Science Magazine.