Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 4 July 2007

image for Bill Gates comes in second, along with his baby-batter; stock market worried
Bill Gates caught in a desperate moment, trying to convince Chinese women of the size of his male prowess.

Beijing, China - Adding insult to injury, Bill Gates got the news just before his tour of China that not only has he lost the coveted top spot of the world's riches man, to Mexican billionaire, Carlos Slim, now he discovers he came in second place in a poll conducted on Chinese women asking them whose sperm they most desired.

Gates is reportedly heartbroken over the news.

The power couple had planed to tour China this year but after the bad news, that trip may be in jeopardy.

"He planned to work so hard on this tour too," said Mrs. Gates. "Locking himself in the bathroom for hours with those girly magazines for minutes at a time several times a day for weeks and weeks preparing for his trip to China.

"Now, I just don't know what to do with all these extra handy wipes."

Stock Price Plunge

Worried that sales of Microsoft products my suffer from the news, Microsoft stock fell several points as panic hit the trading floor today. Traders are worried that Gate's under performing sperm may negatively effect the image of the corporation in a country that culturally sensitive to male sexual prowess.

"We are talking about the ancient Asian culture here," said an Australian investment firm specializing in the Chinese market. "Bear claws, ground down antlers and parts from tigers are used as aphrodisiacs and are still used here in China not only believing they enhance male sexual performance but the male machismo ego."

It has already spilled out into the streets of Hong Kong as the word is already out that despite Microsoft's being the world leader of computer software, it is now rapidly associated as an inferior product that may affect one's sexual performance in the bedroom, and no body wants that no matter what cultural you are from.

Microsoft is currently in the process of hiring a Chinese public relations firm to cleanup the mess and correct Microsoft's imagine in the aftermath of the sperm poll. They have suggested changing Microsoft's name in China to Microhard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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