Written by Sal Manella
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Monday, 2 July 2007

image for Texas Expands Capital Punishment To Include Traffic Offenses
Don't mess with Texas!

July 1 is the beginning of the fiscal year in many polities around the country. As such, many new pieces of legislation become active. For example, in the state of Virginia, draconian penalties for traffic violations are now in place which include fines of $3000 for speeding!

Not to be outdone, however, the Texas State Legislature met today in an emergency session and unanimously passed new legislation which mandates the death penalty for a variety of traffic offenses, including speeding, driving without a license or proof of insurance, and failing to obey mandatory seatbelt laws. Following the execution, the offender's assets will be seized by the state, sold and the proceeds used for road maintenance and construction, in lieu of raising taxes. The governor signed the bill into law immediately.

In a similar vein, lawmakers in Texas also passed a law mandating the wearing of a helmet for all motorcyclists. Law enforcement officials, under this new legislation, are authorized to shoot onsite any person seen violating this law, provided they have videotape evidence of the offense or at least one other law enforcement official as witness.

Sal Manella

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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