Denver - Box cutters will soon come with a written warning in much the same way that cigarettes do.
The warning will read as follows: Warning: The use of this tool can lead to the loss of freedoms of an entire nation or hemisphere and the negation of all of the lives sacrificed in the name of freedom by all American soldiers in every war ever fought.
We were not 100% sure what this meant and when we contacted the National Safety Institute in Denver they explained that 19 cave dwelling savages wielding this low tech and innocuous looking tool succeeded beyond their wildest dreams in causing the loss of freedoms of 300 million Americans via the negation of the Bill of Rights and the discarding of the principles of the Constitution in general.
Furthermore those who still live and who hold responsibility for that act of infamy continue to enjoy total freedom and unrestricted movement across international borders including our own. Those who paid and continue to pay are American citizens and other citizens of western society who now endure senseless searches and long lines at airports and who can be whisked away in the middle of the night and taken to foreign lands and be tortured until they confess to anything their tormentors think they might have done. It is only human nature to confess to things one has had no part of in order to stop electric shocks, drilling of body parts with electric drills, amputation, rape, chemical and drug induced pain and anxiety, near drowning, humiliation, and countless other perverted and inhumane methods of persuasion.
He went on to explain how American citizens can be whisked off to secret prisons in the middle of the night without any right to legal representation and without anyone being informed of their whereabouts.
He stated how strange it is that less than a dozen people have been prosecuted or convicted of anything related to 9-11 and how a trillion dollars has been squandered on the war in Iraq and elsewhere when it was actually Saudi Arabians who were on board those planes. Strange also is how the mass media ignores the fact that our draft-dodger in chief holds hands with Saudi princes at the funeral of one of their dictators while never having attended the funeral of one single dead American soldier whose lives he has so causually sent to be wasted. Coincidentally very little is reported on how the oil billionaire Bush family did business with the Bin Ladens and how Bin Laden's family was flown out of the USA right after 9-11 while all the airports and air traffic were shut dowm. Despite America's super high tech intelligence methods Bin Laden roams about freely and his pursuit was called off and again a trillion dollars in national trasure and military resources squandered in Iraq.
There are Billions of dollars being made by security companies and other administration chronies over this issue he said. And he also pointed out that Democrats are just as complicit in this scheme and they contributed to two elections being stolen by the party now in power. Very few politicians ever bothered to read the "Patriot Act" and that the loss of our freedoms actually negates the lives sacrificed by over a million American soldiers as they fought for freedom worldwide over the last 3 centuries. Americans soldiers and veterans benefits have been cut by this administration with their patrician philosphies and foreigners by the millions pour over our borders with impunity.
Republicans who once preached and wrung their hands over big government have now created the biggest government and bureacracy in history and have become the biggest spenders of all time he said.
Finally he added how strange it is that as soon as the last election was over that there was an abrupt halt to yellow and orange and red alerts conjured up by the Republican Nazis in order to scare politically naive Americans into voting for Father Bush who promised to save the father land.
Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, and Saddam Hussein would all be proud of their brother George and the fine work he has done.