Atlanta, Georgia - Osama Bin Laden has announced that he will run for President of the United States of America. He will run as a Republican and Newt Gingrich will be his running mate.
Asked if he fears being arrested if he steps on U.S. soil he answered that the authorities have not caught him yet despite the fact that his pursuers possess the most advanced technological gadgets in the world and he admitted that he and his family are long time friends and business partners of the Bush dynasty.
When asked about why he did the 9-11 job he replied that an American girl friend had laughed at his diminutive sexual organ when she had seen him naked and that he had to do something to save face. He said also that the Bush administration had been looking for a way to pump money into the military-industrial complex since it had almost gone broke since the end of the cold war and that furthermore Republicans always showed a disdain for the Bill of Rights and the attack finally gave them an excuse to dismantle that document that caused them so much inconvenience over the years.
He said he will dress up as Uncle Sam for the Fourth of July celebrations and go on parade through New York City.
If elected he will ban pork chops and will allow fundamentalist Christians to take on the role of the Taliban since both of their views and hatred for sex and women were so similar. He also will introduce a new line of fashionable golf shirts with a tiny AK-47 sewn onto each shirt on top of the pocket.