Viagara Falls, North Carolina - Emergency rooms have reported a large increase in the amount of severe hand cramp injuries and sore shoulders among men using Viagara. They were surprised to find that married men were suffering these injuries at a much higher rate than their single counterparts. They also found that the wives of these men often suffered from sudden headache syndrome (SHS) and the common denominator among these women was their possession and chronic use of nasty sex toys (CUNST).
In a related news release they also stated that contrary to reports written at TheSpoof.com that masturbation does indeed lead to blindness and that wide spread use of viagara among men whose wives suffered from SHS and CUNST was definitely linked to sudden blindness syndrome (SBS).
When asked if they were afraid that masturbation brought about by the use of viagara would make them blind many of the men answered that they would only continue to do so until they had to wear glasses and that then and only then would they stop.
The Kellogues corn flakes company, horrified at this turn of events, announced that they will begin putting salt peter in all of its products in an attempt to slow down all the monkey spanking, bologna bopping, pud pulling, circle jerking, and beating of the meat, which have reached epidemic proportions. The Bayyer Company has also announced that they are working on a type of gas that can be pumped through shower heads which will take away any desire that men may have to engage in this type of activity. The Ennergizer battery company will also help stop put an end to CUNST by developping a battery which shuts off if anything fishy is detected .
Baptists, Catholics, and the Taliban are reportedly greatly relieved that finally there is an end in sight to CUNST and other related behaviors which have caused so much guilt and feelings of shame among their faithful followers.
There is now an entire new category of injury for lawyers specializing in carpal-tunnel syndrome law suits which promises to be very lucrative not to mention the stiff profits brought about by the increase in sales of thick eye glasses and contact lenses as well as klee-nex tissue paper.