Written by THE MUSIC MAN
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Topics: Police, Monkey, Speeding, LAPD

Sunday, 1 July 2007

image for L.A. Police To Use New Breed Of Officer
He's Not Monkeying Around, With These Tickets

(MUSICMAN PRESS) L.A.P.D. has make known that thirty-five new officers graduated from Officer Training Camp last week. However, these thirty-five are like no other officer on the force-they're monkeys.

"We're really happy to have these little guys." stated Captain Marty Byrd. "They make our job a lot safer, without compromising public safety. Similar to dogs or horses, but with a different obligation. You won't see any riding these animals or using them to sniff-out explosives."

The monkeys spent two years in Arizona, where they learned to do everything a policeman would have to do on a routine traffic stop. They deliver a message to the stopped driver stating the reason why they were stopped. Then the animal is trained to give a paper asking for their license, which he takes back to the officer.

The officer gives the ape a ticket and the license. The monkey returns to the stopped driver to deliver the documents. Finally, the animal returns to the squad car for a greeting and a fruit treat.

So far, the trials have been a moderate success. Some of the new cops have had a few slip-ups however, some wiping their butts on the tickets and others urinating through car windows. "You've got to anticipate a few teething troubles!" Joked the captain.

-THE MUSICMAN-

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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