Breaking News: Former United States President Abraham Lincoln announced today that he has resigned from membership in the Republican Party.
President Lincoln cited President Bush's dismal performance as Commander in Chief as the deciding factor to leave the party. "He's a total moron. If he had been running things during the Civil War, he probably would have instructed General Grant to surrender to Confederate General Lee at Appomattox, instead of the other way around", Lincoln said.
President Bush said that he is not bothered in the least by Lincoln's decision. "It don't bother me none", Bush said. "I'm still the decider."