Dear Donald ‘Ducky' Rumsfeld, chief jailer to the war criminals of Guantanamo Bay, has offered the olive branch or fig leaf of democracy to the evil non-Christian people-hating child-killing blood-sucking hyphen-breeding terrorist monsters who refuse to admit their guilt. He's offered them the chance to appeal against their detention once a year.
"We know they did it, and so do they" said Duckey to TheSpoof in a secret interview deep in the bowels of his Cuba-proof hideout in Alaska. "But the fact remains that it's gonna take us one, maybe two decades to beat it out of ‘em. So in the meantime the guys and me figured we could introduce ‘em to the benefits of democracy like what we have in the Land of the Free. Know what I mean? Give ‘em the chance to vote on which one goes into the underground cooler next."
Says Rummy, "There's method in the madness. Over the last two hundred years we've proved in the US that if you give people a vote on who dies next they think they're voting on who runs the country. Vote for the face on the TV, and you vote for the man who decides what happens. They think. Hell, it's a brilliant idea, so why shouldn't it work for these terrorist scum? They can appeal all they like, but get this - they don't appeal to me."