Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 26 June 2007

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Paris is a "changed woman"

Paris Hilton, the celebrity jailbird heiress, was released from custody this morning, to a tumultuous welcome from ...well...hardly anyone really.

Miss Hilton, 26, emerged from the Century Regional Facility in Lynwood, California to a group of reporters after only 24 days of her 45 day sentence. She beamed from ear to ear after cheating the system and other citizens who would, no doubt, have felt the full force of the law had they broken it as she did.

The heiress, say the authorities, has been released early from her sentence due to "good behaviour" and crowded jail conditions. Guards at the jail confirm this and say she has been a "model inmate" and is a "changed woman".

Officer Cletis Bigcock, who dealt with Miss Hilton on a daily basis, said:

"Yessur! She definitely behaved very well! I'm gonna miss her good behaviour!"

His colleague Sam Whopper agreed:

"That's quite correct. She's just like a model. Her cell was indeed crowded. There were sometimes as many as ten guards in there with her just waitin' t' get a piece of her ass!"

Governor of the prison, Malcolm Felatio, told reporters:

"She has changed so much in such a short space of time! She now walks a little bit like John Wayne."

Miss Hilton's mother Kathy was waiting outside the jail to meet Paris, and, after exchanging hugs and kisses, the two were whisked away to an undisclosed location which was probably an orgy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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