Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 25 June 2007

image for Nancy Pelosi Introduces Toilet Seat Legislation
Pelosi has created an investigative team to monitor seat positioning

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and introduced a bill regarding toilet seats. Under the new legislation, if it passes, failure to put the seat down would be punishable as a class C felony. In a male dominated House of Representatives, this measure may not have a great chance of success.

Representative Buford Taylor of the 30th Congressional District of Texas was not pleased. "This just pisses me off," he said. "Her bill said we gotta put the seat down not just at home, but in the men's toilet too. What I do with the flapper on my crapper is my own damned bidness!"

Representatives from the A.C.L.U., who normally oppose any laws that would limit the perceived human or civil rights or any minority group, have refused to take the men's side in this one.

"Aww hell," said Buford, "they're just a punch of pussies anyway. They might as well all be sitters."

Under the new rule (House Bill #696437JR24B, nicknamed the Pelosi Pisser Plan), failure for any male over the age of 8 to put the toilet seat down would result in an escalating series of penalties. The fourth offense would be a class C felony, punishable by up to ten years in prison. A fifth offense would make the person a habitual criminal and send them away for life.

Radio Commentator and self proclaimed right wing spokesman Rush Limbaugh was opposed to the measure. "On their way to sit down on the pot, they have to bend over anyway. Why can't they just flick a finger and bring the seat down with them? When they start to stand up, it would be easy to just bring the seat up at the same time. It's an extra move for us to bend over and knock the seat back down if we're just standing there doing our business."

Limbaugh was so upset by the latest antics of the woman he calls "Leader of the Femi-Nazis." He was so incensed that he decided to make defeat of this legislation his mission for this congressional term. "Down with the Pelosi Pisser Plan! Until this is over, I want to be known as Flush Limbaugh!"

Limbaugh called on all men in the United States to unite in leaving the seat up, thereby guaranteeing that no heterosexual male will be getting any until his protest is over.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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