The Westminster Kennel Club, Eukanuba Dog Show, and A.K.C. have a new champion. After the death last year of a seven time ugly dog champion, there is a canine wearing the crown.
The new champion is a little older and is balding on top. He is slightly plump, has poor eyesight, and seems to "have a thing for gas."
The dog, named Dick Cheney by his owners, is a mixed breed. His owners say that he really likes just sitting around growling at people and licking his crotch. When they throw a ball for him to fetch, he snaps at the other family pets to go and bring it back to him. His favorite pet to boss around is neighborhood dog Georgie. He makes this dog clean his bottom and seek his approval for all of his actions.
When asked how she felt about winning the competition, Mrs. Cheney was pleased. "It went down to the wire. There was this on bitch from New York named Hillary who thought she was top dog, but I think even she had too much attitude for the judges."
"Dick just seemed to take the whole thing in stride. After the contest, he sat down and licked his scrotum."
When asked what they planned to do with the lifetime supply of Alpo Dog food and Milkbone dog biscuits, the Cheneys were unsure.