New York City, N.Y., U.S.A. - Officials from the Office of Homeland Insecurity were called in late last night to deal with a suspicious package. They later identified the offending item as a "dirty" bomb shell and called in some Christian ministers to set it on the road to salvation.
"It just kept radiating rudeness", said spokesperson Rev. Arnold Nall, "and we just knew that something had to be done right away."
The package - code named "Heathen1" - bore an uncanny resemblance to a suitcase full of blow-up dolls. "At first we thought those little round things were detonators," said the Rev. A. Nall "but upon intimate examination, we realized that they were far more sinister."
The Office of Homeland Insecurity had no official comment on how the package came to be left in the terminal of a major railway station. "We did see Senator Kennedy in here but that was probably just a coincidence" said Special Agent Gitters, "Besides these were blonde bombshells and we all now that he prefers redheads."
A security camera did record a suspicious looking individual placing the suitcase near the ticket counter. However, due to rules regarding gender profiling, his photograph could not be released to the public. Officials say that they will apprehend the man and formally charge him with public lewdness in a suitcase.
The package has been exorcised and placed in the safe keeping of New York's finest until it is required to be processed and tagged as evidence.