District of Columbia - Secret Service agents have confirmed that Speaker of the US House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, attempted to use her influence and feminine wiles to coordinate a power grab at the Office of the President this weekend.
Apparently, what originally began as a discussion about a fictional scenario in a Tom Clancy novel turned serious when people realized that Pelosi actually stands only two heartbeats away from being the first woman US President.
Complete details remain sketchy, but what is known is that George Bush and Dick Cheney were deliberately targeted for abduction by the following: Rep. Henry Waxman, Rep. John Murtha, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Sen. Barbara Boxer, and Sen. Chuck Hagel. First Lady Laura Bush also apparently had knowledge of the plot but decided to keep her mouth shut.
Scribbled in the margins of Pelosi's diary were the words: "It's go time, you sorry SOB's!" She is accused of ordering her followers to conduct a 'Code Red-White-and-Blue' on Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney -- a tactic involving a hard bar of soap stuffed inside of a sock which is then used to strike the victim repeatedly.