Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Sixty years of declassified CIA secrets will be revealed next week when the US spying agency pulls the wraps off its finest hours.
These promise to include details of all illegal domestic surveillance operations, assassination plots such as that of JFK in 1963 and various kidnappings from the 1950s onwards, to the shambolic cover-ups that enabled George W Bush to slime his way into the White House in 2000.
Among the finest features of these 'family jewels' will be state-organised drive-by shootings, foreign gold heists such as the October 1983 Heathrow Airport Brinks Matt bullion snatch ($50 million still missing), assorted UK mainland bombing campaigns under the brand names of the IRA, the Provisional IRA, the Continuity IRA and the Real IRA, "dirty tricks" ops on behalf of US President Richard Nixon, myriad illegal detentions and interrogations of nationals and foreigners, daftasss chemical mind control programmes, assassination plots on over 300 foreign leaders, money laundering on an unprecedented scale, and the planting of client dictators and/or sovereign monarchs in bona fide western democracies under the guise of "the special relationship".
80% of these declassified secrets will focus on the criminal CIA career of George Herbert Bush, the alias of Pope Pius XII first-born son Frank Gelli, who mother Violet Freeman became the stand-in Queen Mother in Setpember 1940 after King George VI, his wife Elizabeth and ledest daughter were killed in a luftwaffe raid over Buckingham Palace.
The remaining 20% deal with Bush's KGB double agent role in hiding Nazi World War II criminals, doshing them up with narcotics profits, paying off indigenous dictators into shielding his protegees and lying to the US electorate about his whole disgusting career.
"How the CIA ever came to rename their Langley, Va HQ The President George H Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) is beyond us," a spooks' source sighed today.
"But it kinda puts into context how a psychopathic madman like Bush Junior could make it bigtime."