Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Health, Canada

Saturday, 23 June 2007

image for Canada to Build Fence Across Its Southern Border
Fence building begins in earnest

Due to the skyrocketing cost of healthcare, 46 million US citizens, who have no health insurance, are facing bankruptcy, destitution, and premature death. Now, thousands of desperate US citizens have begun sneaking over the border to take advantage of Canada's public healthcare system. Canadian citizens are expressing outrage at having to shoulder the costs of US immigrants flooding their borders.

Harvard professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, observed that the United States is 21st place, in the world, in terms of life expectancy. Hampton states that while America has great medical schools and world-class healthcare technology, the reason it ranks so low in longevity appears to be due to the fact that a huge percentage of the population does not have health insurance. Because of this, many only receive minimal care for serious health problems.

Professor Hampton told us, "The proliferation of Healthcare Minimization Organizations (HMO's) has reduced the average time a physician spends with his patient to 3.2 minutes. A professional couldn't accurately diagnose a computer problem in that much time, much less, a problem with a much more complicated system, like the human body."

According to recent studies, the United States has dropped to 19th place, in the world, in infant mortality, primarily, so says Prof Hampton, because uninsured people get very little healthcare. Professor Hampton noted. "So much for the notion of 'No Child Left Behind...'"

Editors note: Evan Essence recieved his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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