Written by Lorenzo Lee
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Topics: Money, John Edwards

Wednesday, 11 February 2004

Democratic Senator John Edwards is certainly an exemplification of the American Dream. From rags to riches, Mr. Edwards has espoused his "work ethic" virtues that led his meteoric rise from farm boy to big-shot Senator. But his candidacy may suffer a setback from some potentially damaging revelations about his working past.

As a working student, it was revealed that Mr. Edwards was "sexing up" some needy women in exchange for monetary compensation. In other words, it seems that Mr. Edwards was a male prostitute, or "call boy" in the vernacular.

His eighth grade teacher has come out with some potentially shocking details, including one involving a young John Edwards in pantyhose and gold glitter dust.

In a statement to the press Mr. Edwards admitted to some "foolhardiness," but pointed out that he really, really needed the money. "Can you blame me for just trying to make through school? I was just a gigolo, and I had to play the part."

That would have been fine if his eighth grade teacher were female. Liberal as the Democratic Party may be, some boundaries have to be set. Mr. Edwards' "Two Americas" speeches may really have two meanings after all.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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