Written by Chuck Terzella
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Tuesday, 10 February 2004

The loss of 2.2 million jobs in the United States since the beginning of the Bush Administration is actually a good thing, White House sources said yesterday. The "Outsourcing" of jobs to foreign countries, " Is just a new way of doing international trade," said N. Gregory Mankiw, Chairman of the Bush Administration's Council of economic Advisors, " and that's a good thing. Think about it, who would you rather hear when you get in touch with a companies customer support center or a telemarketer calls, a desperate sounding American who is barely surviving on a minimum wage phone job, or a cheerful Indian or Asian voice that is pitifully grateful for whatever crumbs they can get? Besides, aren't those accents cute?"

While acknowledging that the loss of the two million plus jobs is painful for the American workers and their families who are unemployed, Mr. Mankiw offered some hope. " Once the weather warms up the Administration is planning on hiring each and every one of these losers as ditch diggers to help widen the gap between the rich and poor of this great nation. Then, once we don't need them anymore, we'll just kill em, I guess."

Last year the Administration predicted that 1.7 million jobs would be created, instead the nation lost 53,000 jobs. "Yeah, we were a little off on that one," admitted Mankiw, " For one thing, we figured on a longer war with Iraq that would kill off a lot more of our troops and thereby create new jobs, both in the military and at home. We were disappointed there, but the Occupation of Iraq seems to finally be getting our death tolls to the acceptable numbers we had hoped for that will really make the job market pop."

By the end of this year the Administration is pledging that 2.6 million new jobs will have been created and most economists tend to agree. Unfortunately, the new jobs will be in India, The Philippines, Mexico and China. The United States is still expected to bleed jobs. but the good news is that very few Americans will end up on Welfare. With the tightening of the Welfare rules most Americans are not eligible for benefits, thereby eliminating the pain and embarrassment of having to enroll.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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