(Washington) - The Environmental Protection Agency, based on the utterings of pop music diva, Sheryl Crow, has issued new guidelines on the amount of toilet paper Americans may use.
The new EPA law restricts toilet paper usage to 1 square per person per sitting ... except for those "pesky" trips to the bathroom.
The new law is strongly supported by other Hollywood environmental activists, who live in huge mansions (made from wood, which is comes from cutting down TREES) and ride around in gas guzzling limos (8-10 miles per gallon).
As for actual use of toilet paper by celebrities, one Hollywood publicist stated, "The stars don't wipe themselves, they have people for that."
Many American women are upset with the EPA 1-square regulations. A spokesperson for a prominent women's rights group says, "It's not fair to women. We need to use a lot of toilet paper. We like to wrap 20-30 sheets around our hand and wipe. We can go through a whole roll in one day!"
Lobbyists for the toilet paper industry say they plan on donating some more money to politicians ... and getting the new law "wiped" off the books.