A previously unknown species of killer fish is invading America by swimmimng up drain pipes into toilets.
Ichthyologist Albe A Bass of Hardly University warns, "This fish, butticus bitecus, is a giant pain in the you know what!"
Dr. Bass says, "Be sure to turn on the light and inspect your toilet before taking a seat. These fish are used to the dark and have excellent aim." Their extremely painful bite is even worse in those sensitive areas.
Scientists have not yet discovered why butticus bitecus has suddenly began appearing in US toilets or why they have developed a taste for human "buns."